A lack of kindness in the workplace takes its toll on all levels of a business. Sometimes we are aware of the level of kindness we exercise in our lives and other times we are not.
Recently, I was coaching a team leader and noticed it was easy for him to respond sharply or, as he said, “I get real pokey – fast.” He would immediately strike out with aggressive energy and defensive words when he felt challenged.
He attacked versus taking a step back, getting curious, and understanding the situation to create a better connection. He was aware of his response – not necessarily proud of it – and yet he felt he didn’t know another choice.
In this example, this leader isn’t different from others. Often, our instinct is to lash out with words or attitude when we are stressed, burned out, or irritated.
We must intentionally make different choices promote kindness in the workplace.
I encouraged the leader to try one subtle shift – acknowledge the situation, then ask a question.
This shift changed the energy of the entire exchange. He was surprised and delighted that he felt far less irritated and more connected to his employee. The intentional tactical change was worth the effort. There was no ego loss and no giving up of power.
It also showed an underlying truth, he didn’t have to agree with his employee to demonstrate kindness. He still disagreed. But, he used acknowledgment to approach the conversation with curiosity and kindness. They found a solution. And equally as important, no additional time was needed to do relationship cleanup after a disagreement.
“Don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness. Compassion and tolerance are not signs of weakness, but strength.”
— Dalai Lama XIV
When relationships lack kindness, the fallout is hard to ignore. In the work environment, this translates into lost time, money, and connection – especially the additional time involved in working to rebuild trust.
Being kind requires vulnerability and connection with others. It can either energize or deplete us. In the long run, the cleanup of fractured communication, in the wake of being unkind, will take more time and energy.
If you find yourself saying, “Oh, I don’t have time to always consider how things are landing with my team or peers” or “We are moving fast” Or “They need to understand that this is how I am.” This is an invitation for you to pause and reflect.
As a leader, how do you handle team members that aren’t kind to each other or to you, as the leader?
Most teams are surprised by the small and nuanced ways in which little jabs show up in their conversations and team meetings. This behavior happens even in excellent teams.
While working with teams on communication, a concern is that approaching conversations with kindness will be seen as weakness – if not weak, then, showing their cards and giving away too much power.
Neither of those two concerns is true. You need to be brave to be kind. You need to firmly understand your business and goals to be kind. Kind is a powerhouse choice in the business world.
The choice to be kind at the workplace is worth it.
An intentional choice of kindness is hard for some teams.
Here is another example I encountered in a coaching session. The team realized they were uncomfortable with being kind. They felt exposed. In light of this the team chose to use sarcastic and biting remarks. They were often amused at their own cleverness and would excuse their behavior with comments like, “Oh, we’re just joking.” It was apparent in their verbal conversations and in their instant messaging.
This kind of unhealthy culture disempowers other team members who may feel the need to hide from openly participating in these kinds of conversations. To say the least, productivity is greatly diminished, and the company culture as a whole suffers.
“Doing what is right, may not be what is easy.”
Recently, I got to work with two clients who made the choice of being kind at the workplace in two very different ways. One was an executive leader and one was a team member.
The executive leader chose a very direct and yet a very kind approach. During coaching, he shared with me that fellow colleagues didn’t agree with his choice for kindness. They felt he was being too soft and needed to be harder and tougher – a true leader. He responded that direct can still be kind and obtain the same, or even better results, than the tough, hard-edged approach. His direct and kind approach led to a greater connection with his team member and changed team behavior that benefitted everyone. Direct kindness worked.
The second client found that she needed to be an “example of kindness”. Her consistent kind behavior built trust. Being an example shifted the whole team in a new and more supportive direction.
These are two great examples of using very different approaches to kindness in the workplace with equally positive outcomes.
Kindness in corporate culture is powerful and worth the effort.
Let’s take a look at a handful of steps you can take to keep kindness a powerhouse choice for yourself and for your team:
- Take notice. Pay attention to your head chatter. Acknowledge when unkind thoughts pop up. And be sure to be kind to yourself.
- Weigh the benefits of being kind. Look at the long run ROI.
- Claim kindness and take action. Be the “example of kind” rather than using sarcasm and humor at other’s expense.
- The kind choice can be the hard road to take, but it gets easier as you practice. It’s powerful, strong, and shows you believe in yourself and others.
I recently watched a fantastic film called “Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.” The film explores what kindness requires. It dives into the choice of being kind versus being unkind and what it takes to embrace being kind.
The film demonstrates the importance of kindness in our current culture and work environments. It also shows the common belief that being mean and unkind is “cool” and being kind is “weak, nerdy, and passive”. As the film pointed out, accept the challenge to be aware and make the stronger choice – the braver choice – to be kind.
Successful day-to-day business engagements are based on solid relationships. Adding a consistent kind approach in working with your teams, leaders, and clients keeps your productivity high and relationships healthy. Choose kindness and reap the rewards.
Connect to see how the ARTiculate Team may support you in your choice to kindness with your communication coaching services. Click here for individuals coaching and here for our corporate communication coaching programs.
Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded, actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach.
