We love to laugh! Comedy and humor bring lightness and joy to many situations. Using humor at work can be invaluable in leadership and business communication. It simply has to be wielded carefully.
Right now, we bet you can think of a well-known quote about the benefits of laughter and humor. Most of us have at least a few come to mind immediately – here is one popular adage:
“Laughter is the best medicine.”
Humor, in comedy, story, and everyday interactions, may be essential for us to survive and thrive!
But sometimes the best intentions fail, and then it all goes wrong. People get offended. They get hurt. What was meant as light and fun ends up slicing, and often we didn’t even see the possibility of it being taken that way. And then, on the other hand, sometimes we may have seen the possibility but chose to disregard it because we all just want a good laugh on occasion.
Let’s be honest. We’re tired. It has been a topsy-turvy and challenging year for most, so humor can land on folks in a variety of ways – sometimes commiserating and sometimes offending. Sometimes it helps them to feel a bit lighter or better – sometimes it makes matters much worse.
Bring Awareness When Using Humor at Work
We need to be aware of our intention. Truly and honestly. Where’s it coming from? Humor often flirts with that line between acceptable and hurtful. And yet, we can’t be so worried about offending that we stifle the great tonics and connectors – humor and laughter.
Our goal in leveraging humor at work is for retaining the jolly and jettisoning the offense.
Let’s look at a quick one-step process to assure the right landing, or to stop the humor before it can cause the hurt or offense:
- Is your intent to unify or divide? Does it point out how we are all connected? Or to point out the separation?
Take a moment to think back on a few times you’ve been funny or someone around you has been funny. Who laughed? Was it everyone? Was it only some? And why didn’t everyone laugh? Did they feel left out or made an object of the humor? Or maybe they just didn’t get it or think it was funny. We’re inviting a heightened awareness of how humor lands in leadership and business communication.
Lack of Awareness Can Lead to Unintentional Hurt
Even inside jokes, with seemingly no intent of hurting others, can inadvertently do so. Inside jokes exclude others by forgetting about those who won’t know what’s so funny or who you are talking about. Tiny fractures can occur, and they are most often unintentional and undetected by the jokester or by those who enjoyed the fun.
I have sat in many a team meeting or company gathering where the best intentions at lightening the mood or alleviating some heavy energy misfired. And in most cases, people in the room had no idea that the wonderful laugh they experienced was at the expense of a safe and unified group.
Most people don’t speak up when they feel left out. There are many reasons for not speaking up – whether it’s a matter of not noticing the humor or feeling it wouldn’t be in their best interest to say something about it. Calling attention to the fact that a “joke” might not have landed well or been appropriate is often met with the crowd siding with the jokester. “Oh, she didn’t mean it that way,” or “He’s always adding fun and we love it.” Comments like that avoid the pause, failing to take note of what might have inadvertently occurred and usually reinforcing the inability of that someone or any others to speak up. Groups often protect the jokester at the expense of others.
Are Jokes Funny? Or Unkind?
Our world is teeming with amazingly talented humor experts. Among the many I have read and studied, two great humor teachers early in my life were my father and Izzy Gesell. Their lessons on what’s funny and what’s unkind influenced me and heightened my awareness of whether my words served to cut or to connect.
My father was a minister who loved to use word play and wit from the pulpit. He experienced successes and failures while preaching. He reminded me he was constantly learning how to be a better communicator. When I was in high school, my dad sat me down for a very serious talk. He had witnessed and experienced my more frequent use of sarcasm and humor in navigating my social world. “You can either hurt them or heal them – even a little tiny bit. Humor does both and you must decide who you want to be and how you want to wield the power of your words: hurt or heal.” Yowzer. Wake up!
Later on, I came to realize that I was using my humor to keep others at bay. My words kept others a little off balance as well as from getting too close. And it was easy for me – seeing the side of the situation that I could turn into a joke or a sarcastic jab. But it had a serious cost. It hurt people.
Unifying Through Wit and Humor:
I learned early that humor can unite or divide – it can bring us together in healing and fun or it can separate us by hurting. My father had made it clear that he saw sarcasm as lazy humor that zinged at its target from a safe distance, while wit took more craft and vulnerability to stay present and in the moment.
Izzy Gesel, a cancer survivor and humorist, taught me that we can categorize our use of humor into four nuanced actions. Whether you use your humor to unite or divide, you also may be using that super funny thought as a shield, weapon, bridge or spotlight for yourself or for others. That simple humorous idea is far more complicated in the realm of human connection than many of us realize.
Izzy Gesel’s Four Social Functions of Humor:
- Shield: When we use self-deprecating humor to put ourselves down, it’s a shield. We devalue ourselves as a way of pre-empting others from doing the same.
- Weapon: When we use sarcasm or “put-down” humor to “stick it to ‘em,” “leave them speechless,” “cut them down to size,” “have the last word” or belittle someone, it’s a weapon. We devalue others to make ourselves feel better or superior.
- Bridge: When we use humor to share experiences, build empathy, spread joy or lighten someone’s load, it’s a bridge. We connect with other human beings.
- Spotlight: When we use humor to distract from an uncomfortable subject area or to draw attention to our self, it’s a spotlight. We understand suppliers of laughter can manipulate an audience’s attention.
Consider Who Is on the Other End of the Humor
Here lies the problem – and the danger. John Cleese is quoted as saying “Laughter connects you with people.” That very connection makes it hard to call out the possible pain or damage being inflicted by the humor when it makes us laugh and lifts our spirit.
The assumption that all humor is good permeates our culture. This assumption can be misleading. Because humor is supposedly a great thing, we revere and applaud the humorist in the group. So when someone calls foul, or mentions that “ouch, that hurt,” often they’re rejected. The joker is defended at the expense of the person who speaks up.
Humor in Virtual Gatherings and Meetings
Remember that virtual interactions for work, social or family can be tricky when humor is involved. Plenty of comedians use humor to shock their audiences into awareness. They’re skilled at it and design for a variety of responses – even sometimes purposely triggering extreme reactions. But they’re aware of the potential storm and they prepare. That may not be what we’re planning on for the family zoom call or the work virtual meeting.
So, if considering using humor at work, remember to check with yourself about your intentions. Is your goal to unite – we’re all in this? Or divide – you are “other?” The difference is often a simple shift of a word or two and definitely a shift of tone.
You can quickly fix an omission of others by openly calling into the room the history that might be needed to get the joke. Be aware and unify. Humor is still funny even if no one gets hurt.
You’re clever and witty. That’s awesome! Now wield your gift with self-awareness and compassion. We need connection, and humor is one of the best ways to do that. Let’s all be more intentional with our use of humor at work. In these times, healing and inclusion is needed more than shielding and separating. Add levity, and let’s hear the sound of laughter while owning our intention.
Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded, actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach. Contact us today to learn more.
