Holiday gatherings are wonderful and stressful — often at the exact same time. (Note: I always write with em dashes. As a voice-over actor, I hear the flow of the conversation and sometimes the em dash works best.) We’re with people who know us well, people who think they know us well, and people we’ve just met. Add old patterns, expectations, unspoken family rules, the pressure to “be polite,” and suddenly a simple chat about work becomes a full-body nervous system event.
This is exactly where Fruitful Friction® steps up to play.
Because friction is not failure — it’s connection. It’s traction. It’s energy. And during the holidays, we often have plenty of it.
Below are the top five Fruitful Friction® ways to navigate social gatherings with more ease, more presence, and fewer conversational collisions — without losing yourself in the process.
1. Start with Your Intent — the real one. And connect accordingly.
One of the core steps for Fruitful Friction® is clarity of intention.
Before you move into any conversation — the Messy Middle, at the table, by the appetizers, or during clean-up — ask yourself:
- What’s my real objective here?
- Do I want a connection? Do I want to learn something about them?
- Am I simply trying to make it through?
- Or am I actually trying to convince them, fix them, wake them up, or prove something?
Many of us think we’re being curious — but underneath we’re carrying a hidden super-objective: to be understood.
Two internal red flags to notice:
- You feel resentful that no one has asked about you.
- You feel an itch to correct, clarify, or set someone straight.
If either pops up, pause. Exhale first — always exhale first — allow the fresh breath back in, then reassess.
Is this conversation truly worth your energy?
And remember: staying in the Messy Middle is always a choice, not a requirement.
2. Acknowledge, then respond. Not agree — acknowledge.
This is the conversation super-tool — and it’s so often skipped or misunderstood.
People want and need to feel heard.
Not fixed.
Not corrected.
Not debated.
Heard.
And that’s where Acknowledge → Respond comes in.
Acknowledging doesn’t mean agreeing — you might agree, but that’s not the point. You can acknowledge what someone has said and then follow it with your own view or idea.
What acknowledgment is not:
- “I hear that this matters to you.” — Careful with interpreting their meaning.
- “I hear what you’re saying.” — Too generic; it often misses the nuance.
- “I can see where you’re coming from.” — If you can’t, don’t pretend.
- “Got it — that’s your experience.” — This often has a sass edge that derails connection.
A clean acknowledgment is foundational. Actually repeat what you heard — as exactly as possible — before adding anything of your own.
A sarcastic acknowledgment — the “Sure, whatever you say” energy — is basically lobbing a passive-aggressive attack. It shuts down the connection faster than an actual argument.
Acknowledge without the underlying judgment, self-righteousness, or dismissal. People feel your tone long before they interpret your words. Your body speaks first. Your stance broadcasts your intention. And yes — your poker face is far more transparent than you think it is.
This is where boundaries matter.
3. Walls block the relationship. Boundaries guide it.
Walls are often reflexive — they separate us from others. “No one comes in.”
Boundaries are intentional — they keep some things private. “I’m protecting the berries from the birds, not walling off the whole garden.”
Some conversations aren’t worth entering.
Avoidance is a tool, not a character flaw. Just make sure it’s a choice — not a default.
And if someone is spoiling for a fight, Acknowledge → Respond is your best move.
It won’t fix them — but it will keep you grounded.
Walk away if you need to. That’s a boundary, not a failure.
4. Use your technique — your tone, body, voice
Holiday conversations are not just about what you say. They’re about how you show up.
Your voice matters — and your technique with your voice matters even more.
- Your tone carries your intention.
- Your body telegraphs your truth.
- Your energy arrives before your content.
- Your stance communicates before your words begin.
This is where the drama teacher in me always returns:
Bring your full embodied self — and be aware of how your messages are landing.
Your body-based technique is communication. Your voice is communication.
How you show up shapes the conversation long before your words do.
5. And Exhale. Always, always return to the breath
Not “take a breath” — exhale first.
Exhale to reset and ground you. You need the oxygen to think clearly. Exhale to reclaim your presence.
Exhale, allow the inhale, and then share your voice and ideas on the exhale.
Holiday conversations require real self-awareness. Not the “read the room” kind — the “read yourself” kind.
Ask:
- What’s happening in my body?
- What energy am I leaking?
- Am I pretending I’m calm while my whole system is vibrating?
Remember: you get to choose what serves you and what serves the moment.
Your Practical Holiday Acronym: T.A.B.L.E.
(Courtesy of AI input)
T — Traction: Be intentional to engage.
Aim for one small forward movement, not resolution.
Friction is not failure; it’s creating grip to move forward.
A — Acknowledge.
You don’t have to agree.
But you do have to acknowledge if you want a connection.
B — Boundary.
Protect what matters.
Boundaries shape the garden and what we are able to access.
Walls shut everyone out.
L — Let the music of your voice lead.
Your voice communicates your intention.
Let your tone express the moment.
Let your resonance be grounded.
Let your pacing create space.
Your voice is an instrument — use it with choice.
E — Exhale.
Your anchor.
Your reset.
Your clarity.
Exhale first. Always.
Enjoy the Moments to Connect — Be in Conversation
Fruitful Friction® isn’t about managing other people. It’s about managing yourself so you can stay in the conversation — if you choose to.
This holiday season:
- Stay connected where it serves you.
- Use boundaries where you need them.
- Bring your unique technique to every interaction.
- And remember: possibility lives in the Messy Middle — but you don’t have to go there unless you want to.
May you have Fruitful Conversations and Connections this Holiday Season!
ARTiculate: Real&Clear is here to support your team with powerful workshops and coaching to develop the skills and techniques to activate Fruitful Friction® and navigate the Messy Middle for company success. Call us. We’re ready to partner with you.
Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach.
