The Contradiction of Emotional Leadership
In the realm of leadership, there’s a subtle yet critical distinction that often goes unnoticed: the difference between exuding calm as a mastery of one’s emotions and the suppression of them. The archetype of successful leaders is frequently associated with calmness, a trait that is widely lauded and reinforced within the corporate arena. However, the ability to remain calm is not universally indicative of presence and responsiveness. While some leaders skillfully maintain their composure in tandem with an engaged presence, others may create distance or disengage from their surroundings to achieve this state of calm.
The adage that ‘the little things are a big deal’ rings particularly true when it comes to effective communication and connection at all levels and stages of leadership communication. One such critical detail is the pervasive commendation of leaders who are calm yet disengaged, which inadvertently widens the gap from genuine emotionally intelligent leadership. The distinction between possessing the presence of calm and merely projecting its façade is not merely a difference in technique, but a fundamental divergence in leadership capabilities.
The contemporary corporate world preaches the importance of emotional intelligence yet seems to shy away from its genuine expression. Many leaders are told to understand and embrace their emotions but are later chastised for displaying anything other than absolute calm. This paradox not only confuses many but also impedes the progress of fostering genuine, empathetic leadership.
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The Misconception of Emotional Expression in Leadership
“Stay calm” – is a phrase frequently associated with executive excellence. But, if calmness is the sole benchmark for leadership, where does the emphasis on emotional intelligence fit? If we’re only going for one outcome, does one need to be aware of all the external emotional expressions? Can one truly measure a leader’s effectiveness by their exterior composure alone? The rhetoric around emotional intelligence suggests otherwise.
Understanding Emotional Intelligence and Its Misconceptions
Emotional intelligence and its closely linked counterpart, soft skills, are too often sidelined in corporate environments. Despite the emphasis on their importance, there seems to be a gap in understanding their true essence. Leaders are encouraged to be self-aware, yet this very self-awareness is sometimes viewed as a self-indulgent distraction. This prevailing misconception of everything and everyone needs to remain calm often acts as a barrier, hindering leaders from realizing their full potential.
Furthermore, leaders are often advised to manage their emotions, which unfortunately is mistaken for suppressing them. This suppression not only undermines their emotional growth but can also deter passionate leaders from expressing their true selves.
The Power of Soft Skills in Leadership
While hard skills can be quantified and measured, soft skills, being more nuanced, are harder to pin down. However, their flexible, adaptable nature is what makes them invaluable. Instead of sidelining these skills as ambiguous, we should recognize them as dynamic and crucial for balanced leadership. Emotions, in all their varied expressions, is part of being a present and human centered leader.
Redefining Leadership Paradigms
Today’s leaders should not only be encouraged to understand their emotions but also to harness them effectively. The term “harness” here doesn’t mean to control or suppress, but rather to equip oneself to utilize emotions in a constructive manner.
Emphasizing calmness as a sole leadership trait can be misleading. Equating calm with effective leadership could lead to overlooking potential leaders who express themselves differently. Emotions, in all their complexity, should be celebrated and expressed safely and genuinely.
While literature provides definitions for emotional intelligence, its real-world application seems to falter. Leaders must be equipped not just with the knowledge of emotional intelligence, but also with the means to express and share their emotions authentically and safely.
Work cultures need to embrace a variety of expressions. It’s not just on the leaders, but on all to adjust how they receive the varying and variety of emotional expression. How can we embrace the passionate expression that surfaces when someone cares rather than labeling it as threatening to others? A leader in a training recently mentioned that he knows he needs to be connected to his emotions and yet feels that he’s not been given effective guidance on how to do that without being overwhelming to others. He admits he simply stuffs how he feels.
In conclusion, the path to empathetic and genuine leadership lies in understanding and embracing emotions in their entirety, rather than limiting their expression to fit a narrow mold. The corporate world needs to shift its focus from mere emotional calmness to equipping leaders with genuine skills for navigating emotional expression.
This is part one of a three-part series. Coming Soon:
Part 3. Embracing the Kindergarten Teacher Approach: The Need for Nurturing Leadership in Modern Teams.
Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded, actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach. Contact us today to learn more.
