Arms Crossed Means You Are Closed Off: Maybe Not

Let’s Rethink This Popular Body Language Myth

You’ve seen it. You’ve probably done it.

Someone crosses their arms in a meeting, and the room immediately assumes:

“They’re shut down.”

“They’re defensive.”

“They’re not a team player.”

“They’re resistant to feedback.”

End of story. Right?

Not even close.

This particular body language interpretation—arms crossed equals closed off—is one of the business world’s most stubborn (and oversimplified) narratives. It’s the go-to conclusion for armchair body language experts, leaders with half a training, and well-meaning coaches trying to get their teams to open up.

But I want to challenge that.

Time and time again, in coaching sessions, keynotes, and Fruitful Friction® workshops, as we explored how to stay in the Messy Middle, I’ve seen something entirely different reveal itself.

Internal Processors, I See You

Let’s talk about the folks who cross their arms—your thinkers, problem solvers, and internal processors. The ones who pause before responding. The ones who are listening deeply and processing thoroughly before speaking up.

Here’s what I’ve seen:

1. They cross their arms not because they’re shutting down – But because they’re going inward.
2. They’re not rejecting the conversation – They’re getting ready to participate meaningfully.
3. They’re not being stubborn – They’re grounding themselves in their thoughts.
4. And when someone finally offers a perspective that resonates—something like, “You might be crossing your arms because you’re thinking deeply, and that helps you process”—their whole-body shifts. There’s a happy exhale. A nod. A softening. A moment of: “Yes. That’s me. I’ve never heard it explained that way before.”

When Mislabeling Does Damage

Here’s the real danger: when we rush to interpret crossed arms as closed off, and slap on that label without checking in, we:

1. Shut down the very people we’re trying to engage.
2. Cause self-aware thinkers to feel misunderstood and
3. Encourage surface-level behavior rather than authentic engagement.

 

And it gets worse. After being told over and over again that “crossing your arms is bad,” some people don’t even bother to open up anymore.

Why would they? That directive didn’t match their inner experience. It didn’t make sense. So, they stopped trying.

It’s not defiance—it’s disconnection.

Reframe the Signal. Expand the Story.

Yes, sometimes crossed arms do signal withdrawal or resistance.

But even then, we need to ask: Why?

Crossed arms? Doesn’t always mean “closed off.”

It might mean:

1. You’re thinking.
2. You’re cold.
3. Your shoulder’s sore.
4. You spilled on your shirt, and you’re hoping no one notices.

 

That’s why we never want to jump to blanket conclusions.

Instead, ask yourself:

1. What’s going on for them?
2. What’s going on for me?
3. What might this gesture mean in context?

 

This is precisely what we explore in Fruitful Friction^®: how to stay present, stay curious, and resist tidy narratives in favor of real connection.

The Power of the Open-Up Moment

Here’s the magic I’ve witnessed again and again:

When internal processors feel seen—when they’re allowed to cross their arms while thinking and then gently invited to open up to share—they do. And they want to.

And they do it with presence.

With thoughtfulness.

With full participation.

Not because they were “corrected.”

But because they were understood.

Final Thought: Don’t Be a Walking Body Language Expert

(Unless you are highly trained as one. I see you Traci Brown, Body Language Expert)

Just because we’ve read the article or heard the training doesn’t mean we’ve got the whole story. Body language is nuanced. It’s human. It’s contextual.

So, let’s stop pretending one gesture tells the whole tale.

Instead of diagnosing others with quick assumptions, let’s get better at noticing, asking, and checking our story.

Because the goal isn’t to police posture.

It’s to foster conversation.

And that starts with curiosity—not conclusions.

 

P.S. If you’re noticing a lot of em dashes and chunks of sentences here—it’s not AI. It’s me, a voice actor who hears the rhythm and pause in writing like I breathe it in performance. I’ve been using em-dashes and short phrases to mark my scripts and to write my thoughts for decades. Chat is just catching up with me. Consider them an intentional rhythm in written form.

For Keynotes, breakouts, workshops, and coaching, contact me and the fabulous team at ARTiculate: Real&Clear [email protected]; 303-868-3889; www.articulater.com

We have great solutions to move you and your team forward to success.

Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach