Have you watched a movie or a streamed series and found yourself disengaged from a character? Or possibly even cry out, “eh, they’re so fake” or “that doesn’t seem real?” or disappear into your phone to check email. We don’t feel connected to these fictional characters, even super-heroes, unless they display the complicated feelings and choices that make us, as humans, difficult to predict and fully understand. Pause for a moment and recall your favorite fictional character from a film or novel. Notice the detailed complexities and contradictions of their personalities and ambitions.
The popular character Ted Lasso was hard to connect to until we were invited inside his brokenness. His optimism was hard won and a possible cover for a great deal of pain. Lasso was far more than a stereotype and flat portrayal of an American coach. – With each revealed personal detail, our understanding of who he was expanded. The complicated and intertwined stories and patterns are better expressed in the sublimely human and relatable archetypes – possibly hero, caregiver, and revolutionary (more info on archetypes can be found at CultureTalk ).
As a professional actor, I was constantly reminded to explore the character I was playing and embodying. The more homework I did behind every line spoken and blocking or stage movement, the more the audience connected with the unfolding storyline and the character interacting with it. The more contradictory and torn, the more human the character became. One known Broadway actress filled journals with her backstory exploration. Her character, as a wife/mother, had a full and detailed history. Did she speak those details in her lines? No, but her looks at her husband or simple one-word answers to her sons were filled with all the knowledge and past story of their relationship. That’s what makes us human – the history and the multitude of feelings we experience.
In the professional pursuit of communication and relationships, it’s easy to dismiss those who seem to be expressing multiple feelings or ideas simultaneously – we see these diverse perspectives as contradictions.
Communication is difficult.
You must remember that we’re all multifaceted. When you deny this, you simplify communication and can even destroy key relationships by ignoring or negatively judging the contradictory perspectives that inevitably arise in each moment or conversation.
It helps to remember that your colleagues are complex, multifaceted, and changing. Their ideas, choices and opinions live in concert with others. If you can stop limiting yourself and others to one approach to making a decision or choosing a perspective, your connections will be improved. We must remember that it’s a strength, not a weakness, to hold varying, complex, and diverse perspectives about situations and differing approaches, simultaneously.
Our Primary Archetypes provide definition.
We all assess situations and ideas differently based on our complicated past patterns and personal archetype approaches. One type doesn’t exist in a vacuum. The primary archetypes in each one of us coexist and communicate in concert. Whenever we enter a conversation with someone and we wonder, “Where did that come from?” It’s far more complicated than the usual response, “That’s just who they are.”
When you understand the patterns of your primary archetypes, you have a helpful tool for identifying the various story lines that show up in your everyday relationships, thoughts and conversations.
The other day, a client was coaching and discussing a conversation where they didn’t show up effectively. We dove into their archetypal approach, and they realized that their Hero archetype pattern had taken over. It caused them to land harshly with their employee. This wasn’t the outcome that they wanted. After looking at their other primary types, we explored what it would sound like and feel like for their employee if they added in a little of their Caregiver archetype. Suddenly, their voice, their non-verbals, their message, though still professional, was warmer and easier to hear. The Hero was still present and was assisted by the pattern and approach of the Caregiver.
You’re not just one dimensional stereotypes. You’re multidimensional in all aspects.
If you eliminate that, you can become sharp. And you lose the variety available to you that allows you to express your empathy and compassion. If you think there’s only one correct answer, you may shut down the very human quality of seeing different perspectives in yourself and others and dismiss your colleagues complex view of the situation or conversation. By connecting to the patterns that your archetypes play in storylines, you are given options in your approach, delivery, and communication.
Mindset matters.
Understanding your primary archetypes provides guidance on your journey. For instance, my primary archetypal patterns are magician and ruler. Both story patterns are evident in my decision making: I have big visionary ideas and drive action toward that change. I serve my team better when I’m aware of both the strengths and the shadows of my dominant archetypes.
Mindset tools to guide communication with awareness:
- Heighten self-awareness of your multiple and sometimes contradictory feelings
- Let go of the idea that you will have only one clear choice
- Use your primary archetypes to claim your communication stories and patterns
- Embrace your multifaceted, contradictory messiness as part of the journey
The other day I was working with a client who was feeling that he was ignored for a project. He was totally qualified to lead it and he realized that he was approaching the matter through his Sage archetype. He could see into the future how he would support and move the company forward. When someone else was chosen for the project, he was disappointed and frustrated. When we coached his feelings, he sheepishly admitted that he felt frustrated as he believed he was best for the project. By simply giving him permission to feel frustrated and coaching his thoughts/feelings of why the other co-worker got the project, he was at peace. He audibly exhaled. He wasn’t wrong for feeling multiple ways at the same time. He could continue to be an inspiring leader when his Sage was joined by his inspirational Hero archetype and this supported him as he discussed the decision with his team and colleagues.
Our world today seems to be forgetting the complicated nature of being a human being -the very humanness in being: We see and feel many different things at once. That is not what makes us indecisive – it’s actually the opposite.
When you admit you have multiple and contradictory feelings about something, it’s often easier to make a choice. And you can make a conscious decision to bring in your supporting archetypes that will allow you to communicate with others and land your messages without causing harm.
Counter intuitively, the choice is often clearer when we acknowledge all the different ways you feel about something, the different emotions, and allow them to exist together.
Being honest with yourself will create greater connection.
If you aren’t honest with yourself, or transparent about feelings with others, you can come across as duplicitous or deceitful. Making the choice doesn’t leave the multiple contradictory feelings behind. On the contrary, if you don’t acknowledge them, they can eat away at you, and you miss out on that valuable information which could be additive in conversations. You may feel that you don’t know how to communicate a message because there are so many options or feelings swirling inside. This is when a conscious choice serves you by embracing the archetypal energy – pattern – behavior to support the message and transparency while delivering it to others.
Again, communication is complicated. Stop trying to simplify – instead embrace the multiplicity and conflicting and contrasting perspectives, choices, and approaches.
In looking at the archetypes, you will identify the patterns and stories in your personal communication. These remind you of the complicated nature of being human. The archetypes then provide tangible tools and techniques for conversations and furthering the relationship.
Archetypes remind you of your varied stories and patterns. By embracing your primary types and others, you will be given options and flexibility in communication rather than getting stuck and potentially ruining your relationship connections.
Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded, actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach. Contact us today to learn more.
