Communication Skill: Connection In Nuances – ARTiculate: Real&Clear

There’s no one way to communicate that works for all of us in all situations. Subtle shifts and variations of tone, word choice, inflection, body language, etc. are received differently depending on who the sender is and who the receiver is.

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One of the big challenges for folks trying to improve communication skills is that there are no set, non-changing rules for communication. There are very few absolutes in human communication. (I’d say there are none, but that would be an absolute!)

Heightened awareness of our subtle and seemingly inconsequential shifts in tone, word choice, and non-verbals/visuals (in other words, the nuances of communication) is super helpful for more authentic connection. The very slight differences in meaning, appearance, sound, etc. impact our communication choices. And in the virtual world especially, the importance of nuance is revealed in three daily situations:

1. An elevated self-awareness of every little thing seeming to matter.
2. The focused and heightened impact of communication in the virtual video landscape.
3. Well-intentioned mentors sharing generalized and often misleading suggestions.

1. Feeling like you are under a magnifying lens:

Under the magnifying lens of the video box it seems as if every little nuance matters. And in many ways, they do. Self-awareness can quickly become overwhelming in this virtual communication world. It can be exhausting to figure it out and exhausting to be so exposed. Trying to communicate on video calls can lead to a million things to consider:

• Am I too close or not close enough to the camera?
• My head is aligned and not tilted even a little.
• There are others in the house and I’ve adjusted my tone a bit.
• I’m letting people know where I’m looking and for what purpose – looking at the camera vs looking at the boxes.
• The lighting impacts the story placed on me.
• My spotty internet connection, over which I have no control, shifts how my message lands.
• I’m tired and my posture is crumbling.

These are just a few of the nuanced elements that impact our communication success. Some we have control over and some we don’t.

Effective leadership communication means being fully aware that one adjusted gesture or tone, or a specific word choice or flow of message can make all the difference in whether the message is embraced or discarded. Because of the nuances, we must be super self-aware and then have the communication tools and techniques to adjust as needed.

2. The virtual/visual element:

The power of authentic and effective leadership communication is in the details – whether you’re working on team communication or working one-on-one. It’s through the subtleties of words, gestures and tone that communication lands or is lost. With the focus on the visual in the small box of a video meeting, what may have felt nuanced when we were meeting in person now has an amplified impact.

Yes, eye contact matters. And in the virtual world it isn’t even eye contact – it’s looking at a camera or looking at a box with the video feed. It’s awkward and we often try to pretend we don’t feel odd. But our covering of the awkward may end up sending information we didn’t intend. Our nuanced eye-darts or other subtle behaviors may be misinterpreted. Your audience may not think “oh they are looking around because they feel awkward,” instead they may think “oh, why are they dodging? Is something wrong? I’m not sure I’m trusting this person.”

With so many nooks and crannies from which misinterpretations can spring forth to derail even the best-intentioned message, it remains a wonder that we ever communicate effectively! If we keep pursuing the one correct way to be, act, or share a message, no matter the intended audience or circumstances, then communication will most likely be a bust.

3. Misguided generalized feedback:

Time and time again, I find myself in coaching situations where I’m freeing people from the confines of old misguided feedback on their communication. More often than not, the feedback that has been inhibiting them came from a leader or mentor with good intentions who lacked true understanding of the individuality in communication. Sometimes leaders have ideas and end-goals based on an outcome they desire and give suggestions they’ve heard of or read about or received themselves at some point in their career. Feedback on communication is often more sensitive than we are aware, and it’s important to be sure that we are nuanced in the giving of feedback.

Let’s be clear that feedback is essential to give and to receive, and the giving and receiving of feedback are powerful skills to be worked on. As our roles shift, so too does the technique with which we offer feedback. Many leaders are excellent at shifting their technique to match their audience and circumstances. From the coaching perspective, we’re suggesting that some may benefit from a deepened awareness of the power of the nuance in their own communication.

Helpful communication feedback is clear and actionable, such as “you need to be not so strong when you speak up.” Too often, though, people have been given feedback more along the lines of the sometimes confusing and vague “you need more executive presence.” Without knowing the individual sender and receiver, sweeping absolutes miss the essential nuanced guidance and can be misleading, leaving the employee with more questions than answers that would provide them the ability to shift. People get shut down or end up disconnected from their individual communication style because the generalized suggestions don’t fit them well. Should they always defer? Not speak up? What is executive presence and how does it show up for this particular person?

In the confusion people may become more protective or defensive. The reaction is understandable and yet, usually less than useful. For example, the ineffectual cries of “but this is how I communicate” or “this is my authentic style” miss a number of key factors:

1. We, as the messenger, are also an important and often overlooked ingredient in how we are perceived and received. Our message lands differently depending on who we are.
2. Sometimes we may even avoid self-reflection if we don’t know what to do or say in response to being more self-aware. We may default to ignoring the information, thinking things like “It’s so subtle, such a nuance, I won’t worry about it right now.”
3. We are multifaceted and able to communicate differently depending to whom we are speaking. Even the most stalwart defender of “this is the way I speak, they can take it or leave it” has to admit the change in their own communication (words, tone, and energy) if they are speaking to a lost child vs at a social gathering with good friends.

We have choice over how we land our messages in meetings and presentations. Developing our presentation skills for the virtual world means cultivating the nuances of our leadership communication style. Claim the nuanced elements of your communication technique and truly connect.

The virtual world is here to stay in its various permutations and there will be an increasing need for mastery of the nuanced adjustments as part of successful virtual communication.

Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded, actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach. Contact us today to learn more.