Unbelievable the types of conversations we are having virtually!
With the pandemic and our economic crisis swirling around us, we are laying people off – furloughing others – halting bonuses and raises – going through company reorgs – all over a virtual platform.
WOW!
That’s a lot. It can feel heavy and we never anticipated this reality.
Several people I personally know have been on the receiving end of these unfortunate experiences. They received phone calls or invitations to short Zoom sessions. The conversations felt hasty, heartless and unplanned.
These are human beings and their lives are hanging in the balance. And, as leaders, we are creating our own karma.
Conversations don’t have to feel hasty, heartless and unplanned. There is no situation so dire that we can negate empathy – compassion – connection.
Letting someone go never feels great. We may be making our messaging shorter because these conversations are awkward and terrible. But, by not giving these important exchanges the time and space they deserve, we come across as cold. They don’t have to be this way.
I’m speaking to leadership and human resources when I ask that conversations with individuals and teams have some planning.
A few steps that show that we are not alone in this crisis:
Leaders – Caring for Others
- Plan your conversation around the person.
What would you do if a person were sitting in your office and you had to tell them they or their team were being furloughed or laid off? You would have a thoughtful conversation prepared. You would appreciate the individual and the contributions they have given the company. They would know that you valued them as a person. Even though it would be a terrible conversation, they would be able to feel your compassion. The individual would come away knowing that you gave some thought about them and your relationship with them.
Plan your conversation.
- Breathe
Our breath is our life force. It keeps our cortisol under control in a fight, flight, fright, appease situation. These conversations demand grounding; breath helps to ground us. If we stay calm and breathe, the mirror neurons will transfer to the individual receiving the unfortunate message.
Focus on your breath.
- Acknowledge the awkwardness.
It feels different, having this type of conversation virtually. Knowing that we are affecting someone’s life from the comfort of our own homes feels awkward. When the call or videoconference is over, both parties will have their family and their lives close by, but for one, things have changed drastically. Let’s understand the awkwardness and ask ourselves, “Can they sense my empathy – concern – care through this screen?” It is different from meeting in person and we need to acknowledge this ourselves. Stay on camera. It may be easier to disconnect emotionally while delivering the information. Fight this!
Stay connected.
- Ask if they have any concerns and listen!
Of course, there will be concerns. When we provide time to listen, the individual will feel honored – heard – and appreciated. Be concerned about their resource and resilience. Listen for ways that you can build their confidence – assure them of their resilience. The fact that you care matters! The recipient of bad news may be too flooded to ask questions or engage right after you deliver the news. Consider offering them time to talk things through after they’ve had a chance to process.
We can provide hope in these times by listening.
- Give your affirmation in the closing
Focus on them – not on how difficult this conversation was for you.
Leaders – Caring for Self
- Recover from this call before you get on your next one.
We need time between calls. Time to reset our energy— let go of what was— and prepare for the next person. Appreciate the person you are going to speak with next. Your energy and preparation will affect how you land your message on them and how they receive the information.
Your energy will affect the call.
- Send positive energy to these individuals when your calls are done for the day.
These calls aren’t easy. Crucial conversations are difficult in person and even more so in the virtual world. When we act from compassion and empathy, we will feel drained. Yet we will feel better about our conversational choice and how we treated others. We have to make the effort because it matters.
Trust that when we choose the high road that others will have an easier journey.
- Acknowledge the personal toll.
Realize that compassion fatigue is a real thing. Take time to close your day—embrace the feeling that this sucks. Know that, even though this is hard on both sides, people would rather have an empathetic conversation rather than a cold, distant, non-personal one. There is no easy way to release people from their jobs,—to talk to them about strategic shifts, or tell them that all their hard work will not be rewarded with a pay raise nor bonus.
There is no easy way. The more compassionate way may be harder, but it is more honoring to everyone involved.
When it comes to having these crucial conversations, we truly need to embrace the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you – and – do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
