It’s a little thing that’s a big deal.
We often tell ourselves that silence is efficient, especially in fast-moving, high-pressure environments where time is short, agendas are full, and decisions need to be made. But experience has taught us that silence is almost always expensive.
Quiet disengagement. False alignment. Decisions made with partial data.
Those costs rarely show up immediately. They surface later—through stalled execution, missed insight, rising frustration, and people quietly disengaging long before they ever leave.
The stories we hear from clients aren’t about when someone went silent. They’re about how no one noticed.
A key player quits because they felt there was no space, or desire, for their ideas to be heard, usually the very reason they were hired in the first place. Someone stops contributing, not because they have nothing to offer, but because the room no longer feels available to them.
This is why we need to watch who’s not speaking up. Who was invited into the meeting or conversation and hasn’t contributed. On teams and in conversations, one of the most important signals is the one we miss most: who has stopped speaking.
Silence persists because it often feels easier for both the person going quiet and the person driving toward a conclusion. Time pressure convinces us it’s faster, in the short term, to avoid slowing down to bring in every voice.
This is where we confuse momentum with progress.
And the key thing is that we’re practiced at not noticing. Not noticing isn’t accidental—it’s trained into us.
In some instances, we’ve convinced ourselves we’re being respectful. Polite. Focused. Not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable or take the conversation off track.
Yet the voice we skip is often the one carrying the information we need most.
This is where the Fruitful Friction® construct becomes essential. Fruitful Friction® requires the voices in the room to create the traction that actually moves us forward. Silence, if we notice it, is a message. It adds data. But if we avoid it, we step out of the conversation entirely and retreat behind the safety of avoidance—missing the opportunity to stay in the messy middle where real movement happens.
The tools to stay in conversation and remain in the messy middle aren’t just about managing what’s said. They’re about noticing who goes quiet—especially when the stakes rise. When time pressure increases. When tension enters the discussion. When the push to decide becomes sharper.
That’s the moment to be transparent. To name what’s happening in real time.
It’s essential that people are invited to share their voice and ideas without being shamed, rushed, or put on the spot. We call this the difference between calling people out and calling people in.
And it’s a skill leaders and teams can learn. So, let’s look at how to call people into a conversation without causing them to feel like we are calling them out.
How to Call People In (Without Calling Them Out)
Notice what’s happening. Who hasn’t spoken? Who stopped speaking once tension rose?
Pause. Get it right in your own mind first that you do need their input. This won’t waste time. Avoidance always costs more.
Signal the invitation with your tone. Tone is part of the message. We register it before the words. If you believe taking time to hear from someone is a distraction, your voice will portray—or betray—that belief.
Invite, don’t demand. Give a heads up. Let them know you noticed and that their contribution matters. Come back to them. Don’t force them to speak in that moment. And you must remember to come back.
Use relationship-specific language. There’s no script here. Words create worlds, so choose the ones that fit this relationship, this room, this moment. Presence is the skill. The words you use is your technique.
Then truly listen. This doesn’t mean agree. It does mean hear them. And it’s not just the leader or facilitator who can do this. Anyone in the room can notice and invite missing voices back in. You don’t need authority to widen the circle. Leaders matter, but they aren’t the only ones responsible.
One final nuance. We process differently. Some people go quiet because they’re thinking. Others because they’ve moved behind a wall to protect or disengage. The skill is discerning the difference between alert silence and shut-down silence. That discernment changes everything.
Silence shrinks the room.
Fruitful Friction® becomes possible when it isn’t just about what’s said—it’s about who goes quiet. Leaders who notice this don’t slow conversations down. They deepen them. And this kind of noticing, naming, and inviting is exactly the muscle we build with leaders and teams who want traction, not just motion.
If you’re curious where silence may be shaping outcomes on your team right now, that’s often the most useful place to start.
It’s the little things that are the big deal.
Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach.
