We often think we’re masters of disguise, carefully concealing our inner thoughts and feelings behind a mask of composure. As leaders, we might believe we’re successfully hiding our concerns, distractions, or even boredom. We imagine the true story of what we are experiencing is safely hidden away. But the reality? Our attempts at hiding are rarely as effective as we think.
In my work with leaders and teams, this is one of the most prevalent struggles that comes up repeatedly with new and veteran leaders.
The problem with trying to cover up our actual emotional or physical state is that it doesn’t create a clear connection. Instead, it establishes a blank wall where people project their personal interpretations. People instinctively create stories to explain the energy they perceive from us. And those stories? They’re often inaccurate and usually centered on themselves—leading to misinterpretations like “They don’t like me” or “I must have said something wrong.”
When we aren’t transparent, the stories created can quickly go off-track without any awareness that it’s far from the truth of what is happening. Miscommunication and divergent storylines erode trust and split relationships. Some may be minor cracks, and some can become divisive chasms.
These inaccurate narratives erode trust, and if left unchecked, they create unnecessary tension and distance us from genuine connection.
The Key: Transparency
Trust is fundamental for strong relationships and successful teams. But trust isn’t automatic—it’s built. Reinforced. Strengthened. One of the most powerful ways to do that is through transparency.
Transparency doesn’t mean sharing every thought that crosses your mind. It means sharing the right information at the right time to clarify the energy in the room. It’s about naming what’s happening with you so that others don’t have to make assumptions.
For example, if a leader says, “I’m a bit distracted today,” it slows the story-writing. It prevents others from filling in the blanks with their interpretations like, “They’re not interested in what I have to say,” or worse, “I must be doing something wrong.”
Claiming your experience removes the guesswork and keeps the conversation clear and open.
Boundaries vs. Walls: The Balance of Transparency
A common misconception? That transparency means revealing everything. It doesn’t.
Boundaries and walls are not the same thing. Boundaries help us navigate conversations safely and intentionally—they protect what we choose to keep private. Walls, on the other hand, are reactive. They go up as a defense mechanism, shutting others out and making connection impossible.
Transparency allows us to drop unnecessary walls while maintaining healthy boundaries. You don’t need to let everyone in on everything—but sharing the right level of insight creates clarity and trust.
The Messy Middle: Where Transparency Thrives
Staying in conversation is essential. But let’s be real—it gets tricky.
Add in status, power dynamics, differing goals, and contrasting ideas of what it means to be professional, and suddenly, staying in the conversation becomes an art form.
Fruitful Friction® provides the techniques so that we can stay in the Messy Middle together—holding space for differences without retreating into avoidance or attack. Transparency is simply one tool in our toolbox. The level of transparency depends on the situation and the existing connection.
How to Practice Transparency Without Oversharing
- Check In With Yourself – What’s happening with you? Are you distracted? Tired? Frustrated? Own it internally before you share it externally.
- Claim Your State – Clearly and succinctly communicate what’s going on with you—without placing blame. (“I’m running on fumes today,” instead of “This meeting is exhausting me.”)
- Use Just Enough Transparency – You don’t need to tell your life story. The goal is to clear up unspoken energy—not to overshare.
- Stay in the Conversation – Transparency is a tool to move the dialogue forward, not a reason to disengage. Share what’s useful, then return to the discussion.
Why It Matters
Transparency fosters trust. It strengthens relationships. It removes unnecessary guesswork so that teams can collaborate with clarity.
It’s a brave choice to be present and in the conversation, to remove walls but maintain boundaries, and to acknowledge what’s happening with you rather than letting others make assumptions.
So, if you’ve got a not-so-great poker face, don’t stress. That’s not a weakness—it’s an opportunity. Transparency, used wisely, can turn it into one of your most significant leadership strengths.
Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach. Connect with us.