Self-awareness is an essential attribute to have in every leader’s professional development and toolkit. Growing an awareness of how you’re feeling, understanding your beliefs, thoughts and values, and your habits is foundational to true self-knowledge. The more you’re aware of yourself, the better you’re able to both flex and stand firm in your relationship with yourself and with others.
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When either internal observations are made or external perceptions are shared, do familiar internal voices of dissent sound like these?
- It’s working as I am – I don’t need to change anything.
- It’s inauthentic for me to change who I am.
- Eh, I see what you mean, but I don’t know what to do about it.
- Good for now. I can deal with that later.
- And others —
Sound familiar?
Internal dialogues keep you safe from change and growth that discomfort creates
One’s own feelings, character and communication style and how others perceive and receive you are part of this exploration. What you do with this information is what establishes whether you connect with others or wall yourself off. Other’s perceptions provide insights into your growth opportunities – in either standing firm on what you’re doing or exploring a necessary change. Other’s perceptions can be super uncomfortable, and you may feel it’s impossible to shift what’s getting in your way. This can provide reasons to wall off, seclude yourself, or turn away from the information that was shared and limit the action that could move you forward professionally.
Being self-aware isn’t always as easy as it sounds. It seems like it would be simple to notice oneself and take note, but often that awareness is stymied by past history or lack of grace for yourself.
It’s helpful to notice when the input from others or your own self observation is suggesting a change or shift. Keep in mind that not all from self- observations nor other’s suggestions, should lead to shifts. What do you do when you see that what you’re doing, saying, feeling, communicating could be adjusted in order to show up better as a leader? How do you know if this choice needs action?
Leadership growth occurs outside of one’s own comfort zone
Often, when we want to expand and grow skills to be a better leader, we seek guidance from a book, an article, a class or a coach. There’s one nuance that these resources don’t discuss. The difference between becoming self-aware and being self-conscious.
A big difference between being self-aware and being self-conscious
Often, leaders work on becoming more self-aware. And then, someone shares a perception. If you have no idea what to do with the feedback, your instincts kick into protection mode from the discomfort that it caused and perhaps you even experience fear around what they’re noticing and sharing with you. You begin to notice patterns – especially when you’ve heard specific feedback before. This can sometimes connect with what you noticed and didn’t appreciate in others. These observations, coupled with your own personal insights, can overwhelm and take you off track from your leadership goal.
You’re noticing all these things you’re doing; the impact you’re having around you; and you don’t know what to do with the information.
Self Awareness for Leaders: Acquiring leadership tools and techniques
If you’re deepening your self-awareness, and you uncover something that needs to shift and you lack support or tools, you often become self-conscious. Your ability to be self-aware can move into being self-conscious when you don’t have the tools to deal with what you noticed. Your self-consciousness turns your focus inward, which, in turn, can cause you to close off and/or shut out others.
Example: You realize from self-observation and from some external input that in your last team meeting your message didn’t convey the info you had intended nor did it land as you had planned. What to do?
Turn to your toolbox and start using a few of them:
- Get curious and ask questions
- Listen with a learner’s mind
- Assess the words and language used
- Review tone used
- Explore other elements of your communication (i.e., how fast were you talking etc)
- Deep dive on what was happening with you and your team members on that day at that specific time
- What factors were impacting you and them?
Then, adjust self awareness as necessary
Without the ability to adjust in the moment, you can become self-conscious and shut down. It can be fairly easy to get frustrated in our current environment and world of communication these days. You may convince yourself that the only solution is giving up. It can seem counterintuitive that you need to turn outward rather than inward. These courageous self-discoveries fuel your professional growth, and they, in turn, benefit all of those around you.
Your self-discoveries are connected to your self-awareness: “ah ha’s” and “oh, look at that”, “And yes, I do that” and “that’s a strength” or “oh, that’s a challenge”. After noticing, you can connect with someone you respect and trust to discuss it, or you can use a technique that you learned from other resources to deal with the insight(s). Regardless to say, merely turning inward and becoming self-conscious can stunt your professional growth – you must turn outward and put your reflection into action.
Ultimately, self-consciousness is about you getting caught up in self-talk, a monologue. Self-awareness invites the dialogue with others. You care to move through the discovery so that you can connect better with your team, board, client. Otherwise, there would be no need for self-awareness in your professional development.
Self-awareness is a bridge from self to others
Self-awareness is about the relationship with others if you choose to connect. If not, then you remain isolated in what becomes self-consciousness.
The secret to remaining self-aware and avoiding the trap of being self-conscious is to bravely question yourself and know what to do with the discoveries. You need to have a set of tools and techniques to use and a support system to call on when you notice things you’d like to adjust.
Being self-aware is crucial as a leader. If you stay stuck without any movement, your self-consciousness can erode your personal strengths and professional connections. Leadership doesn’t demand perfection, it does, however, require an awareness and being present to others and to yourself. When you’re self-aware, you’re able to take action.
One of my favorite client quotes: “I’m self-aware enough to know I’m not self-aware enough.” This was from a leader, near the end of his very successful career, inviting his team into the growth mindset. He recognized that the professional world asks for and expects us to notice our impact on others. This leader recognized that his power was to accept ownership for the changes that he needed to make. No longer could he make an assumption nor put the burden on his team. He needed to claim an awareness of his part in the communication pattern. He admitted that it was a shift from the more traditional style he had embraced early in his career.
So, we invite you to move through the experience that causes you to wall off when you’re feeling self-conscious. These powerful observations can lead to the bridge that you desire. It’s brave for a leader to practice self-awareness. Get curious. Listen well. These observations will lead you to where you want to be and to whom you want to become. You’re capable – you just need to be willing. Be the leader that you’re called to be.
Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded, actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach. Contact us today to learn more.
