Change is hard.
I’m not trying to be resistant. I get that those new steps and moves are better. It’s simply hard for me. My brain doesn’t work that way.
My whole professional performance career, I’ve been an actor* who moves well. I’m not a dancer. Once you give me steps/moves in a particular dance or section of choreography, I look fairly decent doing the original moves and I am psyched once I get it down!
The difference between a dancer and an actor who moves well comes when the choreography changes. A true dancer can adjust steps easily right up and through a performance. A “moves well” will struggle.
Many actors who move well are not resistant to change. They try really hard but are unable to change without major effort and time. And they may never feel super secure with their steps again or for a long while— and will double check themselves by looking to others.
Look around. Change is everywhere right now. People are experiencing all of this change in myriad ways. Some are dancers and easily adapting to the new steps. Others may only “move well” and be having serious trouble with all the shifts. It’s frustrating as an actor who only “moves well” to see the changes being made, witness others shifting so easily, and find oneself unable to pick up the new moves. It can be disheartening. And often the “moves well” folk are the focus of frustration and impatience from those dancers who have already adapted and moved on.
In my acting career, a few folks understood my heartfelt intention to learn the change and my inability to execute to the level I knew was needed and wanted. Thankfully, they stuck with me. They supported me and helped me catch up. Others, not so much; their attitude exacerbated my own self chastisement.
I was not resistant — simply lost, behind, and a little confused.
During this time of great change, I have witnessed similar frustrations with others and with self. A client was getting impatient with a team member for being resistant during this difficult time. This member was usually quick to support team decisions and always ready to move projects forward. Once the client realized this was a different situation, and that her team member was not a “dancer” in this moment, she was able to ask clarifying questions that supported and held space for the difficult change.
As an acting teacher and director, I learned quickly that my ability to change things as we go along is highly dependent on the skill level of those cast in the dance. I had to decide whether change was worth the effort—or even possible—after setting a certain section of a song or show.
We are living in a time when change is happening all around us and all we can do is try to learn the new ways to move the best we can.
How are you dealing with the variety of ways that everyone in your life, both professionally and personally, is processing the current changes? How are you dealing with yourself? With kindness or impatience? With empathy or frustration? How are you communicating with yourself? With others?
How are you responding to your co-workers who are struggling? What labels and expectations are you placing on them? Are you being supportive or increasing their anxiety?
Honestly, sometimes we’re surprised by who struggles. We experience our friends and co-workers masterfully maneuvering other stressful events and situations. What’s up with this one? The pandemic is new one for most of us. Some of our old skills don’t carry over.
Our adaptive skills are not necessarily universal. They don’t work everywhere. And we’re at a loss when a few changes are inserted into our dance steps and counts.
I have other areas of my life where change and shifting is no problem: improvisation, script line changes, travel plans shifting, – but not choreography! What in your life is like choreography for me? What is it in your co-workers lives, or those with whom you live that is challenging their ability to adapt?
We need to communicate. Check in. Ask questions. Hold space for each other.
During this time, most of us are in stages of grief for all kinds of loss— and are more affected by criticism than usual. Simply honor all the different reactions to the change and how they manifest. Pause if you find yourself thinking someone is resistant, pushing back, being stubborn.
Reframe: Ah, not a dancer in this area. It may take them a moment for them to learn these new steps.
*You can substitute actress if you prefer. I was raised with the term actor like doctor – no doctress? At least that’s what my mentors convinced me was the history. I’ve never done any research on this particular point as I’ve enjoyed the story.
Hilary Blair is a leadership keynote speaker based out of Denver, CO, and is the co-founder of ARTiculate: Real & Clear. She is also a highly regarded, actor, improviser, facilitator, voice-over artist, and voice expert coach. Contact us today to learn more.
