Team connection can be supported or destroyed by humor.
During the pandemic, teams and leaders found themselves in stressful moments. These moments either caused us to rise to the occasion or show our worst sides.
While coaching in a group training last week, it was refreshing to have a leader make this confession to the group. He said he needed to apologize for his sarcasm over the past few years.
I thought I hadn’t heard him correctly and asked him to repeat. He repeated that he needed to apologize to someone in the group because he’d been responding with sarcasm repetitively. The eyes of the small group all turned to him, and I applauded him for his self-awareness. Then, we dove into the serious topic of using different types of humor to connect and communicate in teams and with others.
A few years ago, a colleague, Izzy Gessell, taught me that humor functions differently depending on the conversation and circumstance.
His explanation was helpful as a facilitator and coach because I didn’t know why humor landed as sometimes supportive or sometimes divisive in meetings, group training, and facilitated sessions.
I was keenly aware of when it felt targeted at me, as the leader, or someone else. Often, the humor or sarcasm was dismissed or applauded by the larger group. Then the response empowered the sender to continue this behavior, which, depending on how it was used, could derail the true intention of the meeting or the forward movement.
Definitions of Humor
Humor is used as a weapon, a shield, or a bridge, as clearly delineated by Izzy Gessell.
- As a weapon, the sender has focused their comment directly on the receiver. It can feel sharp, harmful, and intentional. Behind the sarcasm or belittling words, the sender attempts to put someone in their place; shut down the conversation; or have the last word. The sender devalues the other person or the group.
Even though the team or group may laugh, which feels like supportive energy, they will walk away knowing they could be the target in the next meeting.
- As a shield, the sender may use self-deprecating humor. This humor is used to help others feel more comfortable with them or normalize the awkward situation. The individual devalues themselves, and others may feel the need to take care of them or prop them up with affirmation.
Sometimes, the group becomes confused because it’s out of alignment with whom they know the individual to be.
When it becomes habitual, the person comes across as lacking confidence or competence. This can significantly damage their personal brand and chances for advancement.
3. When humor is used as a bridge, it feels like an inclusive approach or shared experience. The sender builds empathy and lightens the feeling in the room.
No one person is the target of the humor nor is the sender putting themselves down with disparaging remarks. The sender attempts to connect the entire group through this shared experience.
Pay Attention as a Leader
Team meetings, filled with laughter and light-heartedness, connect us and make the meeting more efficient and effective. Teammates leave the meeting appreciating the interaction and can be motivated to move the team and the work forward.
As leaders, you understand the connection that humor brings to a meeting. You appreciate the Jester archetypal energy unless it surfaces as sarcasm or a weapon.
When leaders identify how humor supports or detours a meeting, they can support their team to build self-awareness.
Someone may not be aware of how they’re landing when they use humor as a weapon or shield – or if they are aware — the leader should bring attention to the need for change. As self-awareness grows, humor can be used in the positive, bridging way.
Team Humor Can Build Transparency and Connection
Let’s jump back to the coaching session I mentioned earlier. After providing the descriptions of the types of humor use, I asked the leader how they were using the humor/sarcasm. He was quick to label it as a shield.
His transparency created a more profound connection in the room. His leadership credibility points rose to a new level for me, the coach, and his peers in the room. He chose to be open and available to the group as well as for his own professional growth.
He was already viewed as a leader in the room, and now, he was received as a different type of leader: one they could trust. He showed that he was self-aware of how his choices affected the meeting and the group.
Team meetings need lighter moments. Laughter builds greater connection. The positive endorphins from these interactions create deeper trust.
Humor is an important gift in team meetings and ironically, it’s a serious and complicated topic. The gift of humor can build or destroy connections, relationships and teams.
Encourage individuals on your teams to use their gift of humor to bridge communication and build the team up. As a leader, understanding the types of humor, you can guide your teams to strong and positive uses of this powerful tool.
Ready to support your team with how they can effectively use humor? Visit our Corporate Programs page.
Robin Miller, PhD is an Executive and Leadership Communication Coach. She specializes in executive communication using the Advanced 360LiC Assessment and leadership team interpersonal communication.
