She smiled and looked down. Her whole body relaxed. When she looked up, her eyes were a little wet. “It’s such a relief,” she said. “I can just be me.”
All she had to do to get that relief? Claim her own name.
For weeks I had been pronouncing my student’s name starting with an “r” sound, as I had heard it when we began working together. Then one day she said her own name, but starting with an “l” sound. I asked which pronunciation was correct. She said that in her native language, Japanese, her name is pronounced with the “l”, but since it is spelled in English with an “r”, she used that pronunciation in America, where we were working. I asked her to say her name again using her native pronunciation.
Her name flowed from her. Her body, particularly her jaw, relaxed noticeably. After some discussion, we agreed that from there on out, she would use her name’s native pronunciation. And I witnessed the transformation described above.
It seems like such a small thing, changing the pronunciation of one’s name, but the impact can be profound, both physically and mentally. With this student, for example, physically she had to work to shape the “r” sound, which she not accustomed to using. This effort reverberated through her body: shoulders tensed, breath became shallow, jaw became tight. Mentally, not only did she have to stop and think before saying her name (something actors refer to this as “getting in your head”), but she also felt she had to make herself something she wasn’t, that she couldn’t be her authentic self.
Our names are one of the first ways we come to have an awareness of ourselves and are therefore fundamental to who we are as individuals. When we surrender the pronunciation of our names to what is expected or easier, it can feel like we are surrendering a part of ourselves. In essence, we are admitting that something about us isn’t correct and needs to be changed. To this, I say, “poppycock.”
Mispronunciations happen, especially with names. I don’t know a single name that everyone on the planet could pronounce perfectly. (If you do, please let me know.) When someone mispronounces your name, it is not an indication that your name is somehow wrong or too challenging; it is simply that the person mispronouncing your name probably isn’t used to shaping those specific sounds.
So how do you handle someone saying your name incorrectly? First, when saying your name, pronounce it as you know it, as you want it to be said. Second, if your name is said incorrectly by someone else, simply and politely repeat your name with the correct pronunciation. The mispronunciations may continue. That’s OK. The important thing is that you have claimed your name and thereby stayed true to your authentic self.
written by Kathleen Wallace
